Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
