I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
