I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
