Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
