I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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