he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
