He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
