i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
