I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
