Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
