I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
