Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
NoShamevember. You game?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
