I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
