I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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