I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
