ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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