Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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