Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
