I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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