girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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