Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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