think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
