Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
