I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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