we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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