you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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