i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
