Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Randomize
