So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
