If that was your dad, he is hot
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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