U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
