i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
