I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
