Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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