Don't make out with my wife yet
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
