My sheets look like a crime scene.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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