There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
