i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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