Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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