bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
