I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
