6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
