I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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