You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize