I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
