she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
