I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
