I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I am one with the molecules
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
