well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
