:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Even my vagina gasped.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
