I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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