so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
