I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
