I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
