So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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