call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
