oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
