Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
