Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
