Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
