Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
