i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
