shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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