your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We are all done wearing pants today
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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