the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
