I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
