Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize