I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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