Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
